Sunday, May 10, 2009

May Cause Drowsiness

I don't think of my years of medication as bad years. Medications can be confusing. Side effects are irritating. Drowsiness sometimes feels like chemical restraints--a straight jacket in a bottle.

The worst years of my life were the unmedicated ones. I'm not saying that I didn't take any drugs in my mid twenties, I just refused to fill prescriptions. Alcohol, weed, Ecstasy, mushrooms, LSD...I'd take anything to get away from reality.

I'm seeing life much more clearly these days. I'm not ashamed of the orange bottles that are always a part of my life. Instead of "may cause drowsiness," I see, "may prevent loss of relationships." I don't take them with alcohol because I don't need alcohol to blind my pain.

A lot of people see psychotropic medications in the same light as street drugs. I don't. A sick person doesn't usually know which antibiotic she needs and I don't know what chemicals my brain needs.
Besides, I'm married to a cop now. I live on a military base. I have a family. I'm a grownup. I'll keep dealing with psychiatrists, prescriptions, side effects, and therapy. I'm never giving up.


Anonymous said...

Wasn't your pincushion loaded with blue floss? I lurve this series and your total honesty in dealing with it all.

CraftyGryphon said...

I'll be checking out your new blog from time to time, for sure. I always called my SGAT "cartooning", not realizing it was an Actual Thing.

Pixie said...

I love love love your way of embroidering. It's so thick and rich. And very moving work

Mal* (turning*turning) said...

The long-and-short-stitch stuff on this seriers is really wonderful. Truly great. It draws me in and makes me want to stare for a long time. That's awesome, because the subject matter is also important and ponder-worthy! I also really like the pills and the way you've written about your experience. Look forward to seeing more in the future.