I miss my husband to the point that I can't even cry. I have to cheer up and distract myself with knitting or sewing to have the energy to shed tears. I miss him all day long, then I miss him painfully all night.
There are times when I'll be doing something routine, not thinking of much, and the thought of not being with David will kick me in the guts. It's like when I remember my neice, who died at 10 months old. The grief knocks the wind out of me.
Antidepressants can't touch this pain. I go to the gym every day and exhaust myself to escape. (I am a fat girl, the gym is the last place I thought I'd go to grieve.)
Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but I'm tired of pretending everything is great. I believe military spouses should be free to voice these feelings. I am a patriot. I love my country. I am serving my country with the burden of this grief. These are my battle wounds.