Friday, October 3, 2008

For my husband...


did another badge. I won't explain it other than to say that my husband and I often miss each other in different ways. There is a good reason for so many hookers in Korea.

I miss my husband to the point that I can't even cry. I have to cheer up and distract myself with knitting or sewing to have the energy to shed tears. I miss him all day long, then I miss him painfully all night.
There are times when I'll be doing something routine, not thinking of much, and the thought of not being with David will kick me in the guts. It's like when I remember my neice, who died at 10 months old. The grief knocks the wind out of me.
Antidepressants can't touch this pain. I go to the gym every day and exhaust myself to escape. (I am a fat girl, the gym is the last place I thought I'd go to grieve.)
Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but I'm tired of pretending everything is great. I believe military spouses should be free to voice these feelings. I am a patriot. I love my country. I am serving my country with the burden of this grief. These are my battle wounds.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

*HUGS* go ahead and yell scream thrash out (just not at the kids, here is fine). There isn't anything chemically wrong with missing your husband, therefore they can't touch this. You are being so brave I'm amazed by your courage to stay home with the kids and be without him.
Do you have a countdown timer? Start one and then look forward to goals and then to the day when you'll finally be back together.
*hugs again*

Andrea said...

oh, there is the timer right there (oops) sorry was reading straight from bloglines

Linnea said...

You don't have to pretend that everything is great, and bake cookies for the troops who are returning or contribute sandwiches and help plan the Winter Ball. In fact, I personally feel that saying F-You every once in a while is a great way to 1) help yourself feel better and 2) demonstrate that you can't gloss over grief and longing. Your crafting is an expression of both your pain and your patriotism. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that patriotism and the pain of missing a loved one are not mutually exclusive, no matter what people try to put on.

I'll be thinking of you.

Lovs2Knit said...

No use pretending that you aren't hurting. You're only hurting yourself more by trying to act as if nothing is wrong. Vent away, we're here to listen and if some one tells you otherwise then they are just plain stupid. Some people don't understand what it's like.

A 4 month deployment to Saudi Arabia with very little contact helped prepare me for the year my hubby spent in Korea. This was before we had a computer to chat on and we got 2 moral calls each month. I stayed busy when he went to Korea. My oldest was only 6 months old when he left so I had plenty to keep me busy.